I’ve never really had a bucket list. When friends talk about striking things off of their list, I can usually come up with a few trite things that I want to accomplish, or would like to do before I die, but rarely do I think about that.
I suppose it’s due to a series of events and realizations that have me contemplating my mortality (I nearly wrote morality, which would have been a startling Freudian slip, especially given my day 1 post.)
In any event, I imagine I am like the rest of you – days and weeks and months go by without really contemplating the impermanence of life. How things change “in the blink of an eye.”
Such a cliché, that one. But simultaneously so very true.
That nagging cough? Lung cancer. Even though you never smoked.
The aching back? Bone cancer. We estimate you have 10 days to live.
Those pesky allergies? Sorry, your cancer is no longer in remission. In fact, it’s spread.
All of these are true stories. Two of them involve people I know personally.
The death that has been closest to me, so far, was a slow one. The gradual eroding of who the person was, turning her into a fragile shell of herself.
Like those dark gray clumps of sand on the beach you carefully pick up, challenging yourself to get a larger and larger chunk, just to have them crumble in your hand with the slightest pressure.
That was my mom, of course. Her death so prolonged, so devastating that our family has never recovered. Will never be the same.
The truth is we are all dying. Each and every one of us, right now. It’s just that some of us realize it more than others.
Maybe the fact that I don’t really have one means I’ve been living a good, full life. I’d like to think so.
Sure, I want to go to New York with the kids, have burgers together at the Shake Shack. Catch a show on Broadway. Shop! Play in Central Park. Ice skate at Wollman Rink together. Laugh and eat a lot.
And I want to take them someplace tropical, with clear, beautiful water, as warm as a bath. With fresh fruit brought to us each day. And me not caring about what I look like in a bathing suit. #notonebit
Oh, and Lake Como again…I’d love to go there. With my sweetie.
The ferry to get to the little coast side towns. The villas. The hydrangeas in a rainbow of colors. The food that tastes spectacular because you are lakeside in Italy…ah yes.
And the villa! I want to rent a villa in Tuscany or Provence for a month, and invite all my friends and family to visit as they can.
And Paris in all seasons. I’ve seen in in June and July, so summer is solid. But Autumn, Winter, Spring….those are all on my list.
And a road trip, a cross-country road trip with the kids, for sure. Maybe from the west to the east and fly them home and then drive back with just my sweetie. That would be nice!
And then when I get back I’ll teach a disco spinning class. Or maybe I should start with that to earn money for the trip…
Maybe I do have a bucket list, after all.
So then, what is on your bucket list?
In life and love,